Still here, and struggling. I'm now in my fifth week back on LL. I did a week or so back in July - successfully - was in the zone and weight started coming off... then I went on holiday to Crete so decided to come off (first holiday in chuffing years and really didn't want to not eat, although I was careful)... started back on it on the 16th August, but since then I have been a nightmare.
I am not sure what is going on with me. I cheat every single bloody day. I can't seem to stop myself. It's not always big cheats - sometimes it's just a salad box from the Morrisons salad bar... other times it's a take away or some chocolate. Not exactly healthy!
Today I made the conscious decision not to cheat - to get through the day and take it one hour at a time. But, guess what? I just did. Grrrrrr.
Not a 'huge' cheat - I ate a fairy cake, but still. I was hungry because I was due a shake, but rather than making one, I just grabbed. It's like an auto response. Frustrating.
I haven't been spending time on minimins or here this time around - and I know writing things down the first time helped - so let's see.
Aiming to get through the rest of today, so wish me luck!
A x
Thursday, 17 September 2009
Thursday, 16 July 2009
Back again!
Well, there has been a bit of a gap in my posts - but I'm back on Lighter Life! I have managed to maintain my weight quite well through exercise and things, but have always had the nagging feeling that I didn't get to my goal.. so here I am.
I did end up putting on some weight - going from 11.6 to 12.4... but haven't got any 'bigger' and have been doing lots of weights and things around five times a week for about nine months - so I think some of it is muscle. I am now hoping to get down to about 10 stone - my original target, and most importantly, stick with the programme and do the Route To Management phase.
So - that's me - back again! Other that diet related stuff, life has been good. Stopped working back in April, spent a bit of time in Argentina doing a TESOL course, just starting working for a bar/club doing their marketing and events promo on a part time basis. Have applied for University, hoping to study Occupational Therapy... cross everything - it was tight competition, so not holding out too much hope. Had a relationship that didn't work out, met some great new people, welcomed a couple of new babies into the family and currently looking for my Mr Right to settle down with (what's new?). Lol.
So anyway - not masses to tell you today - I'm on day two of the resurrected LL journey - going ok so far - damn HUNGRY, but will get better, just got to try not to cave before I get into ketosis.
Over and out x
I did end up putting on some weight - going from 11.6 to 12.4... but haven't got any 'bigger' and have been doing lots of weights and things around five times a week for about nine months - so I think some of it is muscle. I am now hoping to get down to about 10 stone - my original target, and most importantly, stick with the programme and do the Route To Management phase.
So - that's me - back again! Other that diet related stuff, life has been good. Stopped working back in April, spent a bit of time in Argentina doing a TESOL course, just starting working for a bar/club doing their marketing and events promo on a part time basis. Have applied for University, hoping to study Occupational Therapy... cross everything - it was tight competition, so not holding out too much hope. Had a relationship that didn't work out, met some great new people, welcomed a couple of new babies into the family and currently looking for my Mr Right to settle down with (what's new?). Lol.
So anyway - not masses to tell you today - I'm on day two of the resurrected LL journey - going ok so far - damn HUNGRY, but will get better, just got to try not to cave before I get into ketosis.
Over and out x
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
So long, farewell!
Just a quick explanation of my sudden quietness on here... I've given up on Lighter Life. I have no grumbles about the programme and I would recommend it to anyone that wants to lose weight and learn more about the psychology of eating. I was just struggling so much and lapsing too much, and I've made the adult decision (you'll understand if you've studied ego states) to move back to food - eat well, and exercise.
I have a personel trainer that I see four times per week, am going to be doing classes too - and am eating in a low (not 'no') carb way. Wish me luck!
I will be starting a new blog soon that will follow my new healthy lifestyle, and non-foody related stuff... I'll comment this post with the address once it's set up :)
Thanks for your support!
Anna x
Start weight: 16 stone 4 pounds (BMI: 35)
End weight on LL: 11 stone 6 pounds (BMI: 25)
WOOP WOOP!! xx
I have a personel trainer that I see four times per week, am going to be doing classes too - and am eating in a low (not 'no') carb way. Wish me luck!
I will be starting a new blog soon that will follow my new healthy lifestyle, and non-foody related stuff... I'll comment this post with the address once it's set up :)
Thanks for your support!
Anna x
Start weight: 16 stone 4 pounds (BMI: 35)
End weight on LL: 11 stone 6 pounds (BMI: 25)
WOOP WOOP!! xx
Monday, 2 February 2009
LIGHTER LIFE LITE - First Day!
Ok - well, rather than making more empty promises to myself about NEVER LAPSING AGAIN, I have taken my destiny into my own sweaty palms and decided to meet my rebellious child (henceforth known as Jezabel!!) head on for a bit of give and take.
After all, what do we all do when told me absolutely can't do something, with absolutely no leeway? We rebel. So, instead, I am hoping that by treating Jezabel with an element of respect, she will learn to make some more adult decisions for herself.... so I am ALLOWING myself to lapse, and hoping that this will be enough to satisfy her.
So - how am I going to do this? I have started LIGHTER LIFE LITE.
LLL is a new programme introduced by, you guessed it - Lighter Life. It is not a VLCD (very low calorie diet), but an LCD (low calorie diet). You have more calories each day by including one meal alongside three LL foodpacks (I've been on 4 foodpacks per day until now)... so it's all quite exciting.
I only had my first meeting last night and haven't had a chance to read through my book yet to really absorb what I can and can't eat - but it looks like I'll be able to have some nice things. I might cook a nice stuffed marrow tonight - pretty old school, but yummy! Or make a nice pasta sauce and have it on brocolli... YUM! The more I write the more I am desperate to get out of here and get to tesco! I also get to have CHEESE! OH THE EXCITEMENT!!
So, anyway - I have one more stone to lose, maybe a bit more, but I'd be happy with one stone - taking me to 10 stone 6... so I have vowed to stick to this and get it done. Jezabel will just have to shut the bleep up and take the olive branch I am giving her - she gets to eat, and it will taste lovely - and she will have to deal with the fact that she can't have whatever she wants (usually not the healthiest options!). It's going to be a good life lesson, and I am so so excited that I am going to start my learning tonight :)
A xxx
(PS - Oh, and to mark this 'new' new start, I have had my hair chopped again!!)
After all, what do we all do when told me absolutely can't do something, with absolutely no leeway? We rebel. So, instead, I am hoping that by treating Jezabel with an element of respect, she will learn to make some more adult decisions for herself.... so I am ALLOWING myself to lapse, and hoping that this will be enough to satisfy her.
So - how am I going to do this? I have started LIGHTER LIFE LITE.
LLL is a new programme introduced by, you guessed it - Lighter Life. It is not a VLCD (very low calorie diet), but an LCD (low calorie diet). You have more calories each day by including one meal alongside three LL foodpacks (I've been on 4 foodpacks per day until now)... so it's all quite exciting.
I only had my first meeting last night and haven't had a chance to read through my book yet to really absorb what I can and can't eat - but it looks like I'll be able to have some nice things. I might cook a nice stuffed marrow tonight - pretty old school, but yummy! Or make a nice pasta sauce and have it on brocolli... YUM! The more I write the more I am desperate to get out of here and get to tesco! I also get to have CHEESE! OH THE EXCITEMENT!!
So, anyway - I have one more stone to lose, maybe a bit more, but I'd be happy with one stone - taking me to 10 stone 6... so I have vowed to stick to this and get it done. Jezabel will just have to shut the bleep up and take the olive branch I am giving her - she gets to eat, and it will taste lovely - and she will have to deal with the fact that she can't have whatever she wants (usually not the healthiest options!). It's going to be a good life lesson, and I am so so excited that I am going to start my learning tonight :)
A xxx
(PS - Oh, and to mark this 'new' new start, I have had my hair chopped again!!)
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Dear Father It Has Been Six Days Since My Last Confession
Guess what this post is going to be about? ARGHHHHHHHH! Yep!
I've got seven pounds left to lose - SEVEN pounds. That's nothing!! I could do the lion's share of that in one good week - and two at the most... and yet my bloody head is taking over again. I have been thinking that having a protein rich meal in the evening isn't really going to hurt. By meal, I don't really mean meal - more like 'snack' of a packed of cooked prawns or chicken or something. I have three packs throughout the day - and then get all excited about what I can eat when I get home... why why WHY?? And the worst thing is, the food isn't making me feel sick anymore (but I haven't had any grease or wheat, so not surprising I guess).
I am not going to make another empty grand gesture (just read over my posts and it's so embarrassing... "I'm back on the wagon!" etc etc... just makes me feel all the more humiliated when I have to come back and tell the truth. I'd considered lying - but what is the point of, essentially, lying to your own diary?? What will that teach me? Big fat nothing.
So anyway - I am going to do my best to get rid of this last seven pounds with minimum collateral damage. I am aiming at full abstinance, but know - most definitely - that I am not a saint and that my mind is one hell of an active beast ('mind' I love you really, please don't leave!)... it's all about keeping my head down and doing it. Seven pounds off is my target - and only a couple below that and I'd be ten-something... that magical, pointless but magical, number.
My boyfriend is coming to stay tonight, so hopefully I won't lapse and will remain that 'strong, controlled woman' that I spoke about last week on here... he really doesn't care if I eat or not, to be honest... but that's not the point. It's not to do with 'getting slimmer' or 'proving a point' even... it's about me - I want to show myself that I can do this - respect myself for completing the challenge and not give up on yet another thing.
I can't say I will never lapse again - I know that now (took me long enough), but I AM saying that I will not stop the programme... pack my bags and go back to three meals a day (and some). I will hit my target, and I will do RTM the way they tell me to. No question. I just hope I get there sooner rather than later because my rebellious streak is causing chaos, and I feel this last half a stone could take me a month to lose, or more! Noooooo!!!!
Ta ra a bit - over and out x
I've got seven pounds left to lose - SEVEN pounds. That's nothing!! I could do the lion's share of that in one good week - and two at the most... and yet my bloody head is taking over again. I have been thinking that having a protein rich meal in the evening isn't really going to hurt. By meal, I don't really mean meal - more like 'snack' of a packed of cooked prawns or chicken or something. I have three packs throughout the day - and then get all excited about what I can eat when I get home... why why WHY?? And the worst thing is, the food isn't making me feel sick anymore (but I haven't had any grease or wheat, so not surprising I guess).
I am not going to make another empty grand gesture (just read over my posts and it's so embarrassing... "I'm back on the wagon!" etc etc... just makes me feel all the more humiliated when I have to come back and tell the truth. I'd considered lying - but what is the point of, essentially, lying to your own diary?? What will that teach me? Big fat nothing.
So anyway - I am going to do my best to get rid of this last seven pounds with minimum collateral damage. I am aiming at full abstinance, but know - most definitely - that I am not a saint and that my mind is one hell of an active beast ('mind' I love you really, please don't leave!)... it's all about keeping my head down and doing it. Seven pounds off is my target - and only a couple below that and I'd be ten-something... that magical, pointless but magical, number.
My boyfriend is coming to stay tonight, so hopefully I won't lapse and will remain that 'strong, controlled woman' that I spoke about last week on here... he really doesn't care if I eat or not, to be honest... but that's not the point. It's not to do with 'getting slimmer' or 'proving a point' even... it's about me - I want to show myself that I can do this - respect myself for completing the challenge and not give up on yet another thing.
I can't say I will never lapse again - I know that now (took me long enough), but I AM saying that I will not stop the programme... pack my bags and go back to three meals a day (and some). I will hit my target, and I will do RTM the way they tell me to. No question. I just hope I get there sooner rather than later because my rebellious streak is causing chaos, and I feel this last half a stone could take me a month to lose, or more! Noooooo!!!!
Ta ra a bit - over and out x
Thursday, 8 January 2009
Just checking in...
Firstly, apologies for not coming back on Tues night/Weds and updating after weigh in - but that's for one very good reason. I didn't go.
I had lapsed again (ARGHHH!) and felt really ashamed... added to the fact my lapse had given me a really upset tummy, and I started getting anxious about leaving the house again (good lord, my lapse was SO not worth it).
Anyway - I've just rung my counsellor and come clean about my lapses and she's given me a good kick in the right direction, so I am feeling better.
Yesterday I wrote myself a letter telling myself how disappointed I was in myself (kind of the good me writing to the bad me), and that I should either 'get on with it', or get off the programme. When put like that there really is no contest. I'm not there yet - not physically happy with myself - and it is most certainly not the time to jump ship. I was considering asking about starting to introduce food early, but I don't want to not hit my goal... and for that reason as well as many others... I am going to continue with this diet.
I am drinking loads of water in it's various guises (tea, flavourings, straight, coffee, shakes) and haven't had any food cravings for the first time in days (literally, my lapses had become daily) and this time - although I know I have said it over and over - I really feel I am back on the wagon.
So - that's that... will get weighed again on Sunday, and report back with any loss that I've been lucky enough to get... although I'm really not holding out any hope - my clothes are feeling marginally tighter, so I may be looking at a pound or two gain.
Anyway - so that was before, and today is a whole new day... again (sorry I seem like a yo yo, I'll get back to the job at hand now!)
I am feeling so so happy today. It isn't really diet related, admittedly.
I was sat at my desk early, chugging down the water, the remnants of my vanilla and coffee shake in my mug beside me... trawling through emails and such like - and I heard a cry from reception. "Delivery for Anna Holdsworth?"
I leapt to my feet and set off to intercept the package (I've been shopping online, so wasn't sure what it was) and stood in reception was the lady from the local flower shop, holding a huge bouquet of flowers.
Honestly, these flowers are stunning - a combination of red roses, gerberas, black lilies (amazing!) and green bits and bobs... I nearly burst into tears! I had no idea why they'd have been sent to me... so before I could say anything I tore open the card and there, from my lovely lovely boyfriend was a card that simply said "No reason. x R"... at this point I went into gushing girlfriend mode and the florist made her escape.
I have never felt so overjoyed. It's not about the 'material' aspect of this, but purely the fact that he thought about me and chose to do something to make me feel special - particularly on a day when I was all about my new beginning (he had no idea of my recent pledge to start afresh). The last time I had a delivery at work of flowers it was from an ex-boyfriend who had sent them to me to apologise for dumping me the day before. The card read something like "I didn't mean to hurt you. Sorry."... kind of bitter sweet really...! These were MUCH better. INFINITELY so.
So - that's why I'm in a great mood... feeling I can conquer anything, and even more determined to get back on track and show him that he has chosen to be with a strong, controlled woman - and not a blubbering mess that keeps messing up and regretting everything. He is so so supportive - had offered to cook me some yummy meals when I get into Route to Management (he's a chef). I've shown him the lists of ingredients I'm allowed each week of the re-introduction, and he's really excited to be a part of the end of my journey. Bless him!
I hate to sound so girly... it really is quite unlike me. I think the diet has contributed to this 'new me' a little bit... losing weight, wearing nicer clothes, having more confidence in myself etc etc, have all helped me to feel a little less like a heffalump. I don't plod around anymore - I 'sashay', hahaha. My boyfriend is very tall, and manly (broad chest, hairy etc etc) which I LOVE! It makes me feel even MORE girly, lying in bed with him, feeling all safe and protected... and that's before the fact we get on like a house on fire; it really couldn't be more perfect.
Anyway, I'll change the subject now... I feel like someone in a bad Mills and Boon novel at the moment!
Aside from all that, I am in a good mood because I have been looking at some scary underwear photos I took at the weekend... I did them so I could compare myself at the start of the diet (first week of September) and now... and it's brilliant! Has given me a real boost. I can't believe I was ever as big as I was, it's very odd. This is the pic (gulp, sorry about the nasty pants in the befores!!):
Crikey! Scary stuff huh? Anyway - I am now really excited to see what I look like at the end of Lighter Life... I'm not there yet but I'm winning the battle and it can only get better from here on in!
Ok - I'll leave it there...
Over and out x x
I had lapsed again (ARGHHH!) and felt really ashamed... added to the fact my lapse had given me a really upset tummy, and I started getting anxious about leaving the house again (good lord, my lapse was SO not worth it).
Anyway - I've just rung my counsellor and come clean about my lapses and she's given me a good kick in the right direction, so I am feeling better.
Yesterday I wrote myself a letter telling myself how disappointed I was in myself (kind of the good me writing to the bad me), and that I should either 'get on with it', or get off the programme. When put like that there really is no contest. I'm not there yet - not physically happy with myself - and it is most certainly not the time to jump ship. I was considering asking about starting to introduce food early, but I don't want to not hit my goal... and for that reason as well as many others... I am going to continue with this diet.
I am drinking loads of water in it's various guises (tea, flavourings, straight, coffee, shakes) and haven't had any food cravings for the first time in days (literally, my lapses had become daily) and this time - although I know I have said it over and over - I really feel I am back on the wagon.
So - that's that... will get weighed again on Sunday, and report back with any loss that I've been lucky enough to get... although I'm really not holding out any hope - my clothes are feeling marginally tighter, so I may be looking at a pound or two gain.
Anyway - so that was before, and today is a whole new day... again (sorry I seem like a yo yo, I'll get back to the job at hand now!)
I am feeling so so happy today. It isn't really diet related, admittedly.
I was sat at my desk early, chugging down the water, the remnants of my vanilla and coffee shake in my mug beside me... trawling through emails and such like - and I heard a cry from reception. "Delivery for Anna Holdsworth?"
I leapt to my feet and set off to intercept the package (I've been shopping online, so wasn't sure what it was) and stood in reception was the lady from the local flower shop, holding a huge bouquet of flowers.
Honestly, these flowers are stunning - a combination of red roses, gerberas, black lilies (amazing!) and green bits and bobs... I nearly burst into tears! I had no idea why they'd have been sent to me... so before I could say anything I tore open the card and there, from my lovely lovely boyfriend was a card that simply said "No reason. x R"... at this point I went into gushing girlfriend mode and the florist made her escape.
I have never felt so overjoyed. It's not about the 'material' aspect of this, but purely the fact that he thought about me and chose to do something to make me feel special - particularly on a day when I was all about my new beginning (he had no idea of my recent pledge to start afresh). The last time I had a delivery at work of flowers it was from an ex-boyfriend who had sent them to me to apologise for dumping me the day before. The card read something like "I didn't mean to hurt you. Sorry."... kind of bitter sweet really...! These were MUCH better. INFINITELY so.
So - that's why I'm in a great mood... feeling I can conquer anything, and even more determined to get back on track and show him that he has chosen to be with a strong, controlled woman - and not a blubbering mess that keeps messing up and regretting everything. He is so so supportive - had offered to cook me some yummy meals when I get into Route to Management (he's a chef). I've shown him the lists of ingredients I'm allowed each week of the re-introduction, and he's really excited to be a part of the end of my journey. Bless him!
I hate to sound so girly... it really is quite unlike me. I think the diet has contributed to this 'new me' a little bit... losing weight, wearing nicer clothes, having more confidence in myself etc etc, have all helped me to feel a little less like a heffalump. I don't plod around anymore - I 'sashay', hahaha. My boyfriend is very tall, and manly (broad chest, hairy etc etc) which I LOVE! It makes me feel even MORE girly, lying in bed with him, feeling all safe and protected... and that's before the fact we get on like a house on fire; it really couldn't be more perfect.
Anyway, I'll change the subject now... I feel like someone in a bad Mills and Boon novel at the moment!
Aside from all that, I am in a good mood because I have been looking at some scary underwear photos I took at the weekend... I did them so I could compare myself at the start of the diet (first week of September) and now... and it's brilliant! Has given me a real boost. I can't believe I was ever as big as I was, it's very odd. This is the pic (gulp, sorry about the nasty pants in the befores!!):
Crikey! Scary stuff huh? Anyway - I am now really excited to see what I look like at the end of Lighter Life... I'm not there yet but I'm winning the battle and it can only get better from here on in!
Ok - I'll leave it there...
Over and out x x
Tuesday, 6 January 2009
Please miss, don't be mad...
Just checking in... I still feel back in control, but I've got weigh in tonight, and earlier this week I was a bit naughty - and I am worried that I'm not going to be in ketosis AGAIN tonight and my LLC is going to want to wash her hands of me. Gulp. I hope not!! I really feel I am 'there' again now... saying that, I have told her this every week since around 10th December!!
If any of you are reading this and considering Lighter Life - trust me, it is brilliant... just DON'T LAPSE!! Getting back into abstinence is soooo much easier said than done. People warned me about this, but I was so fine with abstinance beforehand, I didn't think I'd struggle - well, we all know I did/am.
Anyway - less than 3 hours to go until my meeting/weigh in. I will check back later.
I am still in shock as to how on earth I managed to lose 3lbs over xmas week despite eating white bread, cheese, pork pie, xmas lunch, chocs, Macdonalds etc... I mean, WHAT?? This week has not been anywhere near that bad - just the odd piece of protein, and a 'real' soup... but I still feel I've put on, and part of me really hopes I have... I haven't had one gain since I started misbehaving and it's really played havoc with my state of mind.
Anyway - I am thrilled that there are loads of people on the minimins.com forum starting the programme this week... I've been hijacking their thread lots and lots, sucking up their enthusiasm, and have even been accepted as an Honorary January Starter!! So, I now REALLY want to do it - I'd hate to still be in abstinance when they finish the first 100 days... I have a goal to hit, and my god, I'M GOING TO HIT IT!
Until next time - over and out xx
If any of you are reading this and considering Lighter Life - trust me, it is brilliant... just DON'T LAPSE!! Getting back into abstinence is soooo much easier said than done. People warned me about this, but I was so fine with abstinance beforehand, I didn't think I'd struggle - well, we all know I did/am.
Anyway - less than 3 hours to go until my meeting/weigh in. I will check back later.
I am still in shock as to how on earth I managed to lose 3lbs over xmas week despite eating white bread, cheese, pork pie, xmas lunch, chocs, Macdonalds etc... I mean, WHAT?? This week has not been anywhere near that bad - just the odd piece of protein, and a 'real' soup... but I still feel I've put on, and part of me really hopes I have... I haven't had one gain since I started misbehaving and it's really played havoc with my state of mind.
Anyway - I am thrilled that there are loads of people on the minimins.com forum starting the programme this week... I've been hijacking their thread lots and lots, sucking up their enthusiasm, and have even been accepted as an Honorary January Starter!! So, I now REALLY want to do it - I'd hate to still be in abstinance when they finish the first 100 days... I have a goal to hit, and my god, I'M GOING TO HIT IT!
Until next time - over and out xx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Progress pic.......
