I'm cinched!

Well hello there you lot.

Just having a bit of a muse today... not really got anything to say, but am determined to keep this blog moving along at a steady pace so I have something to look back over...

I am currently wearing a CORSET!!! It is an elastic 'esbelt' that I got from Simply Yours at the start of the summer.. it looks great under the dress I am wearing, but only when I am standing (smoothes all my lumps and bumps!) but JEEEEEEESUS, I am sat down and feel like I'm in a torture device... how the hell did the victorians do it?

Today my luvvilies I am going to make a little list of things I want to do when I am a skinny beeee-atch... some of which I could probably do now, but I just don't have the confidence...

Ok - so kicking off at number one...

1) I want to strut around butt naked at night with my lights on, and for my neighbours to look in and say 'wow, she looks gooooood'... haha, ok - perhaps not... but I do want to strut around naked in front of a partner and not be permanently trying to remain 'side ways on' so he doesn't see the full, terrifying width of my arse!

2) I want to wander into a shop - ANY shop - and grab a pair of size 10 jeans off the rail and for them to fit! Failing that, I will grudgingly try on a 12 (A 12!!!) and buy them because there is a little bit more 'give' in them and they fit better around my rather spectacular waist and bottom. Oh yes.

3) I want to ride a bike into work without fellow road users coming up behind me and mistaking me for a giant on a child's bike.. I have this revolting image in my head of what I must look like from behind on a bicycle - after all, they are pretty narrow things, and I - my loves - am not.

4) I want to be able to go swimming and delicately pull myself out of the water onto the side, without the use of the steps (and some rather hardcore hoisting action).

5) I want to go out on a night out wearing something incredibly risque and inappropriate and enjoy the fact people are making comments like 'bloody hell she is brave wearing that, but I guess she has the figure for it' (!!) rather than 'what the hell is she wearing? is she dellusional?' - that boob tube and belt was a bad idea at size 22 (kidding).

6) I want to have all my hair cut off with the intention of looking more 'Rihanna' than 'John Goodman'...

7) I want to have amazing sex and not worry about my 'angles'! Needs no more description really... (I hear you breath a sigh of relief)

8) I want to be 'desired' by men that are physically attracted to me, not 'tolerated' because I am such a nice person...

9) I want people to say I have have a wonderful figure and look healthy, rather than have a beautiful face and look 'well' - grrrr... JUST SAY IT! You look like you enjoy pies! Hehe.

10) I want to pull on some skin tight lycra and go for a jog through the town centre and not worry that all eyes are on me because I am such a hideous sight!

Ok - that's it for today - will keep trying to think of more...

Ooh - and I have bought a new car!! Picking it up this afternoon - very sad about saying ba-bye to my little 2 seater though - but figure I wanted a car that I could fit my bike (that I haven't bought yet) into....

My mum found this hilarious - 'Anna, you RIDE a bike, you don't take it for drives.' News to me!

Enjoy the rest of your day you lot!!

Anna x x x

YEEEEEEEEHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Yes yes yes yes yes!! I went for my weigh in last night and I lost SIX POUNDS in week four. YES YES YES!! I really, genuinely thought I had lost less this week - it's been my TOTM and on most days I've drank no more than a litre of water (INCLUDING my foodpacks)... but something happened and another six pounds gone! I am on such a high!! All I can think is that it is down to the bits of exercise I did over the weekend... firstly, scrubbing my steps up to my front door - which ended up a bit of a mammouth task... and washing my car. Both got me knackered, but feel good for it now - and am feeling muscles I didn't know I had!!


My LLC also measured me... I've lost 1/2 inch off my boobs, an inch off my waist and a spectacular FOUR INCHES off my bum! YEY!! At least it is going where I want it to!!

In class last night we started looking at psychological hungers... really interesting.. but it was scary to realise quite how much time I spent in 'Withdrawal'... not socialising etc... pre-LL. I've actually tried to kick start my social life a bit since I started - only going to pubs and stuff - and it's making things so much more bearable... there is only so much time I can spend sat at home on my own, in the bath, or on the internet!!

I feel like I'm cheating a bit because I haven't been around food at all!! I haven't so much as been with someone that is eating - I haven't seen a plate of food or anything - quite an achievement in avoidance for four/five weeks really..... but I just don't think I'd be able to cope. Maybe next week I will try and confront food in some way or another, just to say 'I CAN DO IT'.. but I'll have to see how I am feeling!!

Not much more to report today.... I'm troughing down the water this morning, hoping for another great loss next week - going to also start going to Curves again this week... hopefully that will keep me trim as the weight comes off :o)

Me x

Three weeks down!

Had my third weigh in last night, and I've lost another 3lbs! YEY!! So that is 12lbs in total, in only 3 weeks! I was hoping to have lost more, but actually, it's going to work out around a stone in the first month, and you can't really say fairer than that!

We watched our week 3 DVD last night, and the girl being interviewed (Erica??!) looked amazing! I think she was probably heavier than me to start with, but even so - the tranformation made everyone in the class gasp! She even got into the Lighter Life magazine, and got to try on loads of wicked outfits for the photoshoot! I WANT TO BE IN THE MAGAZINE! Hehe. Maybe that should be my final goal... lol. Or not...

I really feel like I am doing this now... the first couple of weeks felt a bit like I was testing the water - trying to see how this extreme abstinance would 'sit' with me... but now the third week is over and I am into my fourth, it feels as though I am actually doing it and it is great! The weight is only going one way, and luckily it's the right way for once!!

The minimins forum has been a godsend - although I haven't been on as much as I used to... it is good to know there are people on there supporting you.

I am still useless with my water intake... I am definitely better when I am work than when I am at home... possibly because there is a water fountain at the office, and at home I only have nasty tap water (which I can't stand)... might have to buy a job lot of evian to get me through the times at home!

Slightly off topic - but I have been getting various people (mostly men) telling me that I don't need to lose weight - and one guy practically in tears at the idea that I am going to lose my trademark big boobs! Hehe. Typical.
On the other hand, I have had one forecasted marriage proposal for when I am slim (bastard) and one guy who told me various lewd things he'd like to do to me when I am a size 10!! Yes, I slapped him. What a shallow bastard! Luckily he is a friend and I know that he is like that with everyone, but SERIOUSLY! As if that could ever be a compliment - I'm still the same person!

Got quite emotional last night at the meeting when talking about the different 'ego states' we adopt... for those that aren't in the know, we each have a Parent, Adult and Child ego state - which are then split into Critical Parent, Nurturing Parent, Adult, Free Child, Adapted Child and Rebellious Child. It made me think about my dad and my step-dad, both of whom have passed away relatively recently... my dad definitely was 'Critical Parent', forever making me feel crap about my weight, and not making any secret of the fact that he thought I was lazy and ate too much... he wanted me to be slim, athletic and stuff, and even when I wasn't that big, he made me feel like a monster - leading to me stealing food late at night, feeling guilty eating in front of him, and later rebelling and eating loads just to piss him off!! On the other hand, my step-dad was the Nurturing Parent... always doing food related treats for me to show me he loved me... be it the odd cooked breakfast brought to me in bed, or the snack that would always be waiting for me when I got home from school... I loved him to pieces, but feel that maybe all this 'food means I love you' thing, has transferred into my adult life. All the mixed messages I grew up with are going to take a while to get in check, so I can move forward into the world of food at the end of Lighter Life, with a far more healthy attitude to eating.

Ok - I ought to go now... but in summary - I am quite positive about this today, and can't wait to start seeing more results! I haven't made any interim goals so far... so will do a couple now...

1) I want to lose my first stone at my week 4 weigh in!
2) By week 6 I want to have lost 10% of my body weight - that is 22lbs!
3) By week 8 I want to lose my second stone!

Better get gulping down the clear stuff!!

Anna x

Craving... craving... craving...

Good grief - I can't stop thinking about food. It has become a bit of an obsessive compulsion for me... reading recipes, asking people about their food etc.. I must stop! It is NOT HELPING! Haha.

Things going ok on the diet though - I am actually falling in love with vegetable soup of all things, and the banana shake and I are great friends... I just wish I could have more of the buggers each day! Lol.

Went to a charity shop today to buy some smaller jeans - they are still a bit small actually, but I know it is only a matter of days until I can get them on! WOOP WOOP! I refuse to keep buying clothes in smaller sizes in expensive shops, until I am at goal... might have to dig out my Matalan card tonight :oD

Righty-o... quite a short post for today!

Woop woop! I cleared my first hurdle!!!

Wow - what an amazing feeling. I went to a wedding on Saturday and didn't lapse! Yey!!! In all fairness I did leave the wedding and went home while they were eating their meal - but I was there during the 'tea' in the afternoon which included trays and trays of ham sandwiches, fairy cakes and cups of tea. I sailed through that.. but trying to avoid champagne during the speeches was a bit tricky... what is it about people trying to thrust a glass into your hand at every opportunity! Anyway - after feigning hardcore medication and alcoholism, they eventually left me alone. My only tough bit was when I returned later in the evening for the disco, and had an ex-next door neighbour drunkenly groping me and trying to force wedding cake into my mouth!! Hahahaha. Not my finest moment really when I told him where he could shove his fruitcake. Hey ho, lol.

So, wedding - CHECK!

I went to my second weigh in last night and I've lost another 3lbs. Whoopee! My scales at home are convinced that I have lost more weight than her's, so I am going to try and stop weighing myself at home before I go because I get really excited - and then look really miserable when she starts congratulating me on my fantastic week's weight loss. Humphf.

My second week was quite tough as far as cravings were concerned. I think about food all the bloody time!! Today my colleague brought a tuna and sweetcorn into the office and munched through it with surround sound pleasure. I almost pulled over a filing cabinet in my haste to get outside armed with my fags and a sneer. It is definitely not hunger that is getting to me - just my damn brain making my life so hard.

I think it is all stemming from the fact that I am getting bored of the foodpacks. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy them and actually look forward to certain flavours... but I would sell my soul, or someone's beloved pet (preferably the yappy four legged one from next door), for something I can really get my teeth into.

Some people have said that they feel 'released' from the bonds of food - that they see fast food (for example) and feel they no longer need it, and they are happy with the realisation that they will never have a relationship with burgers/chips/KFC ever again. THEY ARE FREE!! But... all I have found myself doing is counting down how long until I can have one. In fact, each time I see something I really really want, I just remind myself that I'll be able to have one soon - it's only five and a half months. Lol. Not the attitude I'm sure... thank God for the counselling!! I nearly did the Cambridge rather than the LighterLife diet, but know now that it would have been pointless losing the weight without some serious rewiring about why I eat.

Oooh, another high point from my last week was when I went shopping for my wedding outfit! I grabbed a size 20 dress in Debenhams... and it was too big!! YEAH!! So, I took my life in my hands, glancing left and right and snuck an 18 into my cubicle... and it was too loose around the back!!!! With a very wobbly, and slightly hyper trill, I summoned the dressing room assistant and asked her to bring me a SIZE SIXTEEN!!!!! She tutted at me, popped her chewing gum and sashayed off... ... ... Ok, ok, so the 16 was a bit optimistic... it didn't go over my rather sizeable arse... but I was still buzzing and had to secure the back of the dress with a couple of safety pins to stop slippage! Yeah!!

Ok - I will shoot off now... might give a black tea a whirl and see if I can stomach it - personally, I think it sounds revolting, but I am prepared to be proven wrong.

Hope you are all having a wonderful day!

Week Two

Hey all you lovely supportive people that are reading my blog (she says as an eerie gust of wind blows a solitary crisp packet down the street and the only sound is the echo of her voice, sob)... ok, so I don't have many people reading this - but I don't care (haha)... I have now completed my first week on Lighterlife and I am now facing the 'rest'. I don't know how long that will be, but I am anticipating about six months.

I didn't lose nearly as much as I was hoping to last week - I think I was watching my scales too much and they put a jinx on me. I was so so sure that I had lost around 9lbs, but when I got on her scales it said it was only 6 :o( Arghhhhhh!!!! Another rather clever thing that I have discovered, is that I am getting lighter as the day goes on! I know it is usually the other way around (as several people have pointed out, yawn, 'Yes, I understand physics'), but for some reason I am usually about 1-2lbs lighter just before bed as I am that morning. I can only attribute this to the fact that I am drinking water and, hence, going to the loo ALL THE DAMN TIME!

So I am not going to dwell on her weigh-in weights, as it is clear that it is a bit of a movable feast. All I know is that, according to my scales at home, I have gone from about 16st3lbs (at my heaviest) to 15st2lbs (as my scales showed this morning!)... which, frankly, isn't bad for a week and a half!!

I had my first major craving the other night... kick started by an advert for KFC. Sob. They always seem to advertise during Hollyoaks, which is very annoying! About fifteen minutes after seeing this my friend rang to say she had just bought some duck and pancakes from the chinese and should she bring it round to eat, or go to a carpark and eat in her car... I had to tell her to pick the carpark, it was so hard. Duck and pancakes is my favourite!! It is her sister that is getting married on Saturday - oh God, I am dreading it. I stupidly asked what was on the menu for the dinner... turns out it's bloody, f*cking, arsing FILLET STEAK! ARGHHHHHHHHH!! Another fave of mine, very irritating. Despite that fact I am not feeling hungry day to day, I have discovered that I am useless with cravings and am going to have to wangle a way to get out of going to the dinner.

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Update!! Oops, forgot to finish this post! Doh! Damn auto-save.. lulled me into a false sense of security!! Will save this now and start a newbie...