Dear Father It Has Been Six Days Since My Last Confession

Guess what this post is going to be about? ARGHHHHHHHH! Yep!

I've got seven pounds left to lose - SEVEN pounds. That's nothing!! I could do the lion's share of that in one good week - and two at the most... and yet my bloody head is taking over again. I have been thinking that having a protein rich meal in the evening isn't really going to hurt. By meal, I don't really mean meal - more like 'snack' of a packed of cooked prawns or chicken or something. I have three packs throughout the day - and then get all excited about what I can eat when I get home... why why WHY?? And the worst thing is, the food isn't making me feel sick anymore (but I haven't had any grease or wheat, so not surprising I guess).

I am not going to make another empty grand gesture (just read over my posts and it's so embarrassing... "I'm back on the wagon!" etc etc... just makes me feel all the more humiliated when I have to come back and tell the truth. I'd considered lying - but what is the point of, essentially, lying to your own diary?? What will that teach me? Big fat nothing.

So anyway - I am going to do my best to get rid of this last seven pounds with minimum collateral damage. I am aiming at full abstinance, but know - most definitely - that I am not a saint and that my mind is one hell of an active beast ('mind' I love you really, please don't leave!)... it's all about keeping my head down and doing it. Seven pounds off is my target - and only a couple below that and I'd be ten-something... that magical, pointless but magical, number.

My boyfriend is coming to stay tonight, so hopefully I won't lapse and will remain that 'strong, controlled woman' that I spoke about last week on here... he really doesn't care if I eat or not, to be honest... but that's not the point. It's not to do with 'getting slimmer' or 'proving a point' even... it's about me - I want to show myself that I can do this - respect myself for completing the challenge and not give up on yet another thing.

I can't say I will never lapse again - I know that now (took me long enough), but I AM saying that I will not stop the programme... pack my bags and go back to three meals a day (and some). I will hit my target, and I will do RTM the way they tell me to. No question. I just hope I get there sooner rather than later because my rebellious streak is causing chaos, and I feel this last half a stone could take me a month to lose, or more! Noooooo!!!!

Ta ra a bit - over and out x